Recently, someone asked me if I was ever going to blog my “book food” again. I was a little floored, to be honest. I mean, there are only about 7 people who read this blog and I always feel like Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own. To paraphrase, “Come on Ann dozens of people are waiting for a post from you.” In any case, the question got me thinking.
Why haven’t I blogged lately? Well, I’m not a pro, obviously. I have a full time job (some parts of the year it’s more than full time.) I have two very active boys who need to be driven 92364 places every week for their activities. The hubs and I have been very serious about saving money so that we can do all the fun family stuff we want to do and ingredients cost money. Trying to take decent photos is painful for me, as I’m sure you’ve noticed (see the “not a pro” comment.) The list could go on and on, but these are minor issues, really. I enjoy making the foods and my family are good sports when it comes to trying the weird stuff, so none of these are deal-breakers.
The main thing is all me. Over the past couple of years I lost 40 pounds and felt pretty great about myself. Then I, fairly promptly, gained about 25 of it back and felt pretty shitty about myself. I’m now in a place where I’ve gotten just about back to the 40 pounds gone, but I’ve started spending a lot less time cooking fun stuff. I miss it, no doubt about that. I miss messing around in the kitchen or mixing up a fun drink, but I also don’t want to gain all that weight back again and, right now, I don’t really trust myself to do lots of food stuff. Which I kind of hate. In this age of self-love and body confidence, I don’t like admitting that my weight and appearance matter as much as they do. But there it is.
I’m working hard to get to the place I want to be. A place where I’m happy with me. Where I’m able to eat what I want without every bite being a debate with myself. Where delicious fictional food is back on the table, literally. It won’t be long now, I think.
Thank you for hanging out while I get myself together. Soon we will all raise a Butterbeer and toast our awesome selves. See you soon, nerds.